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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Asking Her Father - Engagement

The time has come. You've thought about it and thought about it. And talked about it. And thought about it some more. You know her like you've never known anyone else. You love her like you've never loved anyone else and you can't imagine spending a week without her, let alone the rest of your life. It's time to ask for her hand in marriage.

Now, there was a time -- only a few generations ago -- when the next step was clear-cut and simple: you paid a visit to her father and asked him for her hand. Back then, marriage was more a matter of class, status, dowries and other financial arrangements, and love was given less attention. Whether or not the potential groom could provide for his bride, as determined by the bride's father, weighed heavier on a family's mind than love.

As love became more important to marriage than money, this tradition has continued, although it is not nearly as common as it once was, at least in middle-class America. Today, when a man asks his girlfriend's father for her hand in marriage, he does so more out of respect than anything else. Generally, both the father and his daughter's boyfriend are aware that, approval or no approval, if they truly want to be married, there's little to stop them. The father's approval is almost expected. After all, guys are pretty smart sometimes, and they usually know where they stand with their girlfriend's father; if they don't get along with her father, there's little chance they'll even ask.

But even when approval is expected, there's still something nerve-wracking about the process -- there's always the chance her father doesn't realize how serious their relationship is, or that he'll be caught off-guard. And sometimes fathers are just naturally intimidating. Troy, a project manager for a computer product company in Utah, had dated his girlfriend, Tania, for over four years; he got along fine with Tania's father, who is from Yugoslavia and is very Old World and traditional. But Troy admits to feeling too intimidated to ask him for Tania's hand, even though Troy knew both Tania and her parents hoped that he would ask; the fact that her father is an enthusiastic hunter and keeps the heads of various deer and elk mounted on his wall may have contributed to this intimidation.

Sometimes it's difficult to know exactly which father to ask: the birth father or the stepfather. Dave, a manager at a consulting firm in San Diego, dated his girlfriend, Cory, for over six years before he was ready for marriage. Cory's parents were divorced and both remarried; Dave decided to speak to her natural father first, though Cory had spent more years with her stepfather. She had a good relationship with both men, and Dave thought, since both had been fathers to her through the years, the blood relationship a birth father has commanded special respect. Plus, he had been given Cory's mother's first engagement ring diamond a few months prior to use for Cory's ring, so her stepfather at least had an inkling of the impending engagement.

Of course, there's no reason you need to ask her father first; sometimes asking him after the fact is enough to show proper respect to her family. Matt, an electrical engineer in Tucson, had dated his girlfriend, Rebecca, for four years before asking her to marry him. She, of course, gladly agreed. But when her parents visited over Christmas vacation, Matt realized he had never officially received Rebecca's father's permission to marry her. Matt took him aside, poured a couple of whiskeys (to calm both their nerves), told him how much his daughter meant to him and how they could enrich each other's lives, and asked for his blessing. Although her father had met Matt only a couple of times before, the blessing was promptly given, and Matt and Rebecca have now been married for almost two years.

Of course, a father's acquiescence is by no means guaranteed, no matter how well the aspiring groom gets along with him. One young man of 19 asked his girlfriend's father for her hand (she was the same age) and the father immediately denied his request, arguing that they were far too young. The couple ignored her father's wishes and got married anyway. Sometimes, such an obstacle can be a test of love; will you let anyone stand in your way? It's wise to have considered every scenario and know what your response will be.

The decision whether to ask your girlfriend's father for her hand in marriage depends more on the kind of relationship you have -- or want to have -- with her father. After all, he's soon to become your father-in-law, and good relations will make everyone's future happier. It's a show of respect; imagine yourself with a daughter, and how you would feel if her boyfriend asked you for her hand. Chances are, you'd appreciate the gesture and accept it as a show of friendship. While any father would be happy to have his daughter marrying someone who'll treat her well and provide for her and love her beyond measure, there's a respect you gain from him nonetheless, just by showing him a similar respect. And any relationship built on mutual respect has a strong foundation to build a new life upon.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Inexpensive Weddings Elopement Packages

y $30,000, inexpensive weddings elopement packages can be very appealing for couples on a tight budget. Before opting for the cheapest nuptials, however, couples should be sure they understand what services are included in an elopement package and what they can expect on their wedding day.

Defining Inexpensive

When a couple begins to plan a destination wedding or elopement, the first thing they should do is define what they consider inexpensive. For some couples, even a small celebration may run several thousand dollars depending on the location and amenities they choose, which can be more expensive than a simpler, more traditional wedding ceremony and reception. On the other hand, a couple that is faced with the prospect of a large celebration in an urban area may find that a more exotic elopement can be a substantial savings. The key is to find the best celebration for the best budget without compromising on the romance, quality, and special sentiments of the day.

Why Go Cheap?

Couples may choose inexpensive elopement packages for a number of reasons. As two individuals join their lives together, they are often confronted with other expenses such as purchasing a home, reducing student loan or credit card debt, continuing education, or starting a family. Saving money by opting for an inexpensive elopement is a fiscally responsible choice that can be just as meaningful and romantic as a more lavish celebration.

Finding Elopement Packages

Finding inexpensive weddings elopement packages can be easy, but couples should plan carefully to find the very best deals for their special day. Many resorts, hotels, and wedding planners in popular destinations offer elopement and destination wedding packages, and couples can contact different planners and facilities to inquire about less expensive options than the packages that may be advertised. Couples could also opt to hire a wedding planner on a consultancy basis for a cheaper rate, or they could make the wedding arrangements themselves if they are familiar with the destination and its legal requirements. The steps to finding the least expensive elopement options are:

1. Choose a destination. Exotic, far away locations will generally be more difficult – and more expensive – to plan.
2. Investigate package deals. These may be from planners, resorts, or agencies, but each package will have unique features and different prices.
3. Ask about cheaper options. Customizing some aspects of the festivities may allow couples to lower the price.
4. Plan early for the best deals. Popular wedding months such as May, June, and December often have higher prices if packages are booked at the last minute. Airfare should also be booked well in advance for the cheapest prices.
5. Save up to pay expenses. By saving before the wedding, couples can pay for the package and any other expenses right away without accumulating debt.

Costs

Elopement packages can be as cheap as just $100 or they may cost several thousand dollars for a couple’s perfect day. Factors that influence the cost include:

* Destination: Travel costs are a significant expense for elopements; couples who marry close to home can save much more. More exotic, popular destinations such as Hawaii, the Caribbean, Florida, and Europe are also more expensive.
* Date: Peak wedding season dates are generally more expensive, even for simple elopement packages. Couples willing to marry during slower periods can often take advantage of lower hotel rates and other reduced prices. Another date consideration is the speed of the arrangements: elopements arranged at the last minute may incur rush fees.
* Guests: While many couples elope privately, including guests such as close family members, parents, and friends is also popular. The more guests there are at the festivities, the more expensive the package will be.
* Amenities: Many packages offer basic services for a minimal cost but also offer a range of additional services such as videography, cultural touches, hair appointments, live music and more for additional fees. Eliminating these extra touches will keep costs as low as possible.

Services

A basic elopement package will offer the bride and groom standard nuptial services such as a simple ceremony that fulfills the legal requirements for marriage, a few photographs, basic flowers, and perhaps simple music or a small champagne toast. This may seem too simple for many couples, but resorts and planners who arrange elopements frequently offer additional services for additional fees. Couple’s massages, commemorative certificates, souvenir toasting flutes, meals, and more elaborate ceremonies are popular add-ons. While these will increase the final price of the elopement package, couples may consider additional services as a way to personalize their special day. In particular, couples who may be saving thousands of dollars by not having a traditional ceremony and reception may enjoy splurging on extra touches to make their elopement even more memorable.

Making Inexpensive Weddings Elopement Packages even Cheaper

The tightest of budgets may require even more cost-cutting techniques. Ways a couple can make packages even cheaper include:

* Choosing a location such as a hotel or park close to home that will not require travel costs
* Opting for a private event without guests
* Eliminating all ceremony extras from the package
* Booking the elopement with the honeymoon for better deals
* Buying flowers and other accessories without including them in the package to better control costs
* Choosing a destination wedding dress and groom’s suit that can easily be reused

Inexpensive weddings elopement packages are a great way for couples on a budget to plan their special day without accumulating excessive debt. Even a small, private ceremony can be memorable and romantic without straining the budget, and by eloping, a couple may be even better prepared for the financial challenges of starting their life together.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Tips for the Maid of Honor

Maid of honor, we salute your decision to grab the microphone from the best man at toasting time. After all, your inspiring words need to be heard, too. Here's your complete guide to the maid of honor's toast -- what to say, when to say it, and how to get rid of those nervous butterflies.
Take It Seriously

In agreeing to toast the bride and groom at their wedding, you're not just speaking for all the guests, you're essentially a poet with an important story to tell. It's both an honor and a huge responsibility. Embrace this obligation with the grace and maturity it deserves.
Don't Procrastinate

We recommend writing your toast about three weeks before the big day. Approach this "assignment" with the same seriousness you would a college paper. Have someone you trust edit your work, and do a couple of drafts. Advance preparation will prevent hastily scrawled thoughts on cocktail napkins and last-minute panic attacks.
knot note

Not a drinker? It's fine to drink from a glass of water or other nonalcoholic beverage when toasting.
Cover All the Bases

While we encourage you to innovate and personalize the standard as much as you want, an expert toastmaster will usually:

* Express how thrilled she is to be at the wedding and thank the bride and groom (and their parents, if appropriate) for inviting everyone to be a part of their special day.
* Include a personal touch (a favorite memory, joke, or special secret) that will be emotionally significant to everyone.
* Offer encouraging (and often moving) words of advice for their future together. (A quote will usually work its way in here.
* Offer triumphant of well wishes.
* Conclude with the standard raising of the glass, saying "To Jane and John" (don't forget to take a sip!).

Pick an Appropriate Quote

If you choose to quote, make sure the quote you pick has real resonance for you and is relevant to the message or idea you want to share. Settle on words of wisdom that you can deliver with confidence, earnest emotion, and understanding. And remember, quoting is not required. If it feels at all pretentious or insincere, skip it, and substitute with something that comes from you.
Suss Out Your Style

Best man speeches are often wry retellings of zany shenanigans, droll commentary on the subject of marriage, and self-deprecating remarks -- often with knee-slapping, side-splitting results. Don't feel your speech has to be sentimental and poetic for the sake of contrast. If you're hilarious too, the crowd is in for quite a treat. Don't worry about stealing thunder.

On the other hand, if funny isn't your shtick, don't feel pressured to be a comedian -- just be yourself and speak from the heart.
Go for Short and Sweet

As you prepare your toast, keep it simple. Don't use words you normally wouldn't use. Try not to ramble -- toasts can be as short as two lines or as long as two minutes. Steer clear of X-rated anecdotes, goofy giggling, and sing-songy, gimmicky group efforts. Remember, this is your moment. Make it a class act.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Once the toast has been written, practice reading it out loud obsessively to up your comfort level on stage. On the day of the wedding, grab one of the bridesmaids and ask her for final feedback on delivery, jokes, and hand gestures. You'll be grateful for the preperformance audience. Be sure to write out the complete speech (or transfer it to note cards) and bring the cheat sheet with you to the microphone (no, you don't have to memorize). Emotions and nerves can catch even the coolest of cucumbers off guard.
Set a Schedule

Toasting time usually happens once everyone has been seated and served champagne, but the bride and groom may want to have it happen between courses. Check with them; if they don't have a preference, the timing is up to you and the best man. When you're ready, simply approach the microphone stand as a toasting team. The crowd will be called to attention the old-fashioned way (clinking a glass with a utensil) or the bandleader or DJ may announce to guests that toasting is about to begin.

Traditionally, the best man is considered the toastmaster. For this reason, he may toast first, warming up the crowd for your turn in the spotlight. Of course the maid of honor can take over his role altogether, serve as comaster (a two-person show), or toast the couple right after the best man. We've seen double toasts work well in a variety of formats. You and the best man may want to determine who goes first and who follows based on the content and feel of your speeches.
Stay Calm, Cool, & Collected

Or at least fake it. No matter what, you're going to be nervous. Take deep breaths. Think pleasant thoughts. Maybe have a glass of wine, but don't overdo it. You definitely want to avoid that drunken honor attendant cliche. Remember, when it's all over, you get to party hardy. Speak slowly, and no, no one's going to care that your hands are shaking.
Get Creative

Is toasting too old hat? Knock their socks off with a dance performance, a song, or a reading of an original poem. Salute them in whatever fashion feels most comfortable. That said, if you're planning something really outlandish, check with the bride first.